The end of the World 2012

weaving purple and white flower centrepieces
Still preparing since November….Deadline Friday 28th December

That explains E V E R Y T H I N G…..

Anxiety.
Despair.
Desperation.
Farting around.
Uselessness.
MotivationLESS.
Mass murder of innocent children.
Cyclones.

The friggin world is coming to an end. My purple and white centrepieces are still not done.

Thanks alot Mayan fanatics for the diagnosis.  The Mayan prediction from one of it’s many calendars can take it for the team.  Well, my team of supreme EXCUSES for LACK OF anything in the last month.

Like seriously.  Epic F.  A.  I.  L.

The weather has also been a tad hot to move or too gloomy with rain.  Yip!  The weather is more of a valid reason.

Reasons are only valid to the holder.  It is only real for the holder of the excuse or reason.  I know mine are all EXCUSES with no ounce of validity even in an actual court of law.  I can see that the rest of the world is still able to move in the heat, work in the rain and even hold a beautiful smile of life after a cyclone.

Congratulations to Lani Wendt Young (biasedly one of my favourite authors) who completed her latest book by the end of the world today.  Thank goodness.  I can take it into the afterlife to salivate at Daniel and wait for my next life as an insect.  I am sure the internet will cross over to the next world.

A really good friend has been bikini bootcamping and starting a new business venture/s. Going out in hot style with a BOOM!

Seriously! What the HECK am I doing not doing.  Let me explain.  I am not making excuses.  I already know my excuses.  I am simply emptying out all the shizz going on up in this here mess of a mind.  It is embracing my human-beingNESS emotions.  (Damn! I am weak.  I wanna be half robot/android.)

Saving and preparing for our family trip back to Samoa since the beginning of this year has been a great challenge.  Making everything work that is important to us.  I mean, we can’t just save for our trip and neglect the roof over our heads, bills from our useage, kids demands needs, creative ventures, etcetera etcetera.

I have been so focussed (not necessarily all that disciplined) on all our goals until this last quarter of the year.  It feels like I have run out of petrol.  Like I am almost there but need just a little more juice to get to the end.  

The end for me is not the world ending.  The end is a longing to just hug my parents.  I know.  Lame right?  I am a grown woman with a husband and five kids.  And I am still not gonna slide smoothly into my seat on the plane. (Maybe my world is ending)  2013 bikini bootcamping is ON like donkey kong.

2012 has been such a roller coaster of a year and even more so not having any physical contact with my parents in four  years come January 2013.  (NO, the bullet jandal to my head days are just a funny memory).  I glimpsed my mother earlier this year in January and I felt so robbed.  Even more so under the circumstances of our blink of a reunion.

I am so blessed and grateful for the work that my parents and siblings have put into our relationships to be where we are now.  Everything has been spoken.  Nothing is left.  All there is, is a completeness with each other.  

There is an absolute knowing that no matter what happens to any of us, we will go happy in the end because there is nothing left.

And yet…..I have this longing.  It really is not enough for me.  I must be able to hug them regularly.  Yes, we all have our own lives but my emotional human side craves the contact of my immediate family.  The ones I have loathed (let’s be honest)and loved.

Connected and separate is ok.  Connected and physically present would be tot’s (totally) awesome for my soul.

Queue Cyclone Evan on the 13th of December and mentally I am transported to my parents in Samoa.  That obviously means that the body here in Australia is not moving.  You know?  Like in the movie, “The Matrix”.  It’s just hooked up to stay alive but otherwise in another world.

The end of the world will come and go.  Christmas 2012 will come and go.  

My countdown is to hug my mum and dad on January 6th 2013 and no doubt the stream will flow.  One or all of my sisters will slap me out of it.  The youngest sister will definitely roll her eyes and say, “get a real life”.  

For one whole month I will not be wife, mother, aunt or sister.

I will just be mum and dads favourite daughter. 🙂

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