Getting the gift of Perspective?

11:27pm 24 Dec 2012.  Christmas Eve.  No tree.  No presents.  No preparations.  No cooking.  No thing.

Just finished watching, “Shutter Island” with my little medium sized Samoan family.  May not have been entirely appropriate viewing for the four and six year old although their interpretations of the story was to my amazement.

Failing to provide responsible viewing for my children probably pales in comparison to the lack of good cheer and enthusiasm around here.  I do believe (in my children’s eyes) that I have absolutely failed in every aspect of being my regular awesomeness and attractiveness.

It’s hard to  ascertain at this stage but I am seeing some signs of “hopefully” floating around above their heads.

“Hopefully”, mum is just pretending and she’s got this awesome surprise she is hiding from us.  She has really outdone herself this year that we have absolutely no hint of her surprise.

SURPRISE.  It is true kids.  There is nothing hidden about nothing.  It isn’t difficult to hide nothing.

My husband and I have discussed at length with our children since day dot, that our family trip is our Christmas gift, celebration, end of year reward and all the other possible ways to frugally roll every celebration into one.  Throw in the conversation of the abundance of blessings we have to be thankful for and Bob’s your uncle.  No uncle Bob around here.

Christmas grinch I am not.  We have been clear.  Before Cyclone Evan hit Samoa it was the plan.

It has been very entertaining witnessing the madness while we just mosey around the malls.  Watching the business marketing strategies being deployed online and through mass media.  Am I mean mum (probably according to my kids) or simply being the example of what I speak.

It really is not about the presents and the food.  We have no great feast prepared.  It’s another day and simply blessed to be together.  Blessed for air-con, roof, power, food, water, sanitation, healthy living conditions and the list goes on.

Being able to help out in Samoa is simply timing.  We are all stoked, kids included, that our upcoming trip will have meaning. It will be special.  It will have lessons for all of us.  It really will be the season of giving.

Perspective.  What’s important is what can not be replaced.

Happy and Safe holidays and an abundance of blessings always 🙂

The end of the World 2012

weaving purple and white flower centrepieces
Still preparing since November….Deadline Friday 28th December

That explains E V E R Y T H I N G…..

Anxiety.
Despair.
Desperation.
Farting around.
Uselessness.
MotivationLESS.
Mass murder of innocent children.
Cyclones.

The friggin world is coming to an end. My purple and white centrepieces are still not done.

Thanks alot Mayan fanatics for the diagnosis.  The Mayan prediction from one of it’s many calendars can take it for the team.  Well, my team of supreme EXCUSES for LACK OF anything in the last month.

Like seriously.  Epic F.  A.  I.  L.

The weather has also been a tad hot to move or too gloomy with rain.  Yip!  The weather is more of a valid reason.

Reasons are only valid to the holder.  It is only real for the holder of the excuse or reason.  I know mine are all EXCUSES with no ounce of validity even in an actual court of law.  I can see that the rest of the world is still able to move in the heat, work in the rain and even hold a beautiful smile of life after a cyclone.

Congratulations to Lani Wendt Young (biasedly one of my favourite authors) who completed her latest book by the end of the world today.  Thank goodness.  I can take it into the afterlife to salivate at Daniel and wait for my next life as an insect.  I am sure the internet will cross over to the next world.

A really good friend has been bikini bootcamping and starting a new business venture/s. Going out in hot style with a BOOM!

Seriously! What the HECK am I doing not doing.  Let me explain.  I am not making excuses.  I already know my excuses.  I am simply emptying out all the shizz going on up in this here mess of a mind.  It is embracing my human-beingNESS emotions.  (Damn! I am weak.  I wanna be half robot/android.)

Saving and preparing for our family trip back to Samoa since the beginning of this year has been a great challenge.  Making everything work that is important to us.  I mean, we can’t just save for our trip and neglect the roof over our heads, bills from our useage, kids demands needs, creative ventures, etcetera etcetera.

I have been so focussed (not necessarily all that disciplined) on all our goals until this last quarter of the year.  It feels like I have run out of petrol.  Like I am almost there but need just a little more juice to get to the end.  

The end for me is not the world ending.  The end is a longing to just hug my parents.  I know.  Lame right?  I am a grown woman with a husband and five kids.  And I am still not gonna slide smoothly into my seat on the plane. (Maybe my world is ending)  2013 bikini bootcamping is ON like donkey kong.

2012 has been such a roller coaster of a year and even more so not having any physical contact with my parents in four  years come January 2013.  (NO, the bullet jandal to my head days are just a funny memory).  I glimpsed my mother earlier this year in January and I felt so robbed.  Even more so under the circumstances of our blink of a reunion.

I am so blessed and grateful for the work that my parents and siblings have put into our relationships to be where we are now.  Everything has been spoken.  Nothing is left.  All there is, is a completeness with each other.  

There is an absolute knowing that no matter what happens to any of us, we will go happy in the end because there is nothing left.

And yet…..I have this longing.  It really is not enough for me.  I must be able to hug them regularly.  Yes, we all have our own lives but my emotional human side craves the contact of my immediate family.  The ones I have loathed (let’s be honest)and loved.

Connected and separate is ok.  Connected and physically present would be tot’s (totally) awesome for my soul.

Queue Cyclone Evan on the 13th of December and mentally I am transported to my parents in Samoa.  That obviously means that the body here in Australia is not moving.  You know?  Like in the movie, “The Matrix”.  It’s just hooked up to stay alive but otherwise in another world.

The end of the world will come and go.  Christmas 2012 will come and go.  

My countdown is to hug my mum and dad on January 6th 2013 and no doubt the stream will flow.  One or all of my sisters will slap me out of it.  The youngest sister will definitely roll her eyes and say, “get a real life”.  

For one whole month I will not be wife, mother, aunt or sister.

I will just be mum and dads favourite daughter. 🙂

CULTURE | ART | LIFE