Fifteen years of fraud…..

Oh My Gracious me.  Not winning this morning.  NOT WINNING!

Fifteen years of fraud at this job.  Yes it’s a job.  Maybe it’s community service.  Unpaid volunteer.  If I don’t do this properly (or as properly as I can) then what are we (my husband and I) sending out into the community.  My service to the community is to send out some global commandos.  Awesome beings taking a stand for their world.

Epic failure.  :(   Questionning whether the higher power was having a bad day or five entrusting these precious gems to me (us).  LOVE actually and the butterfly euphoria where nothing else existed except being together and entertaining the craziest plot of having this beautiful forever, FOREVER.

Clouded (obviously) we spoke it into existence.  Inevitable actually.  Possibly foolish and presently ridiculously stupid was our crazy intoxicated plot of “having kids” achieving our blissful FOREVER.  Oh My Gracious me!!!

Having kids is an amazing FOREVER.  Having to actually PARENT them.  Unseen miscalculation and err from all logic.

NOTE: If it doesn’t involve humans then lead from your heart OTHERWISE use all other indicators of judgement… your HEAD and maybe some tons of research.

Pondering with left hand holding my head up, now writing….”What the HELL was I thinking?”  (hmmm I wasn’t actually)

Today is just one of THEM days (that a girl goes through…cue Monica-Don’t take it Personal) <iframe width=”420″ height=”315″ src=”″ frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen></iframe>

All before school.

  • #5 plays with #4’s wooden train set.  
  • #4 complains.
  • I ask #5 to put it away before their dad takes them to school.  
  • #5 demands #4 to help her.  
  • #4 ignores her.  
  • #5 screams at #4 to help her.  

Fifteen minutes to go before the bell.

  • Yes, #5 needs to get off her little demanding tantrum and put it away.  
  • #4 could help if he wanted to.  
  • I presented both sides of the argument to both parties.  
  • Both parties not budging.  
  • Test (tease) #4’s unhelpfulness using next terms excursion as a carrot.

Oh My Gracious me!  Warning sirens blaring with the bursting of the dams right in my face that I just wanted to shove something in to stop it or maybe slap it closed.  Pushing #4 out of my immediate space #5 is welling up and pipes, “You are not allowed to push him you know”.  “Are you serious?”, I say to myself.

Still talking to myself, “If you just packed away his trainset we wouldn’t be here right now.  Or maybe not play with it in the first place.  And you wanna tell me what I shouldn’t be doing.  I didn’t push him.  I moved him out of my immediate range of wanting to slap his ‘fingernails-scraping-on-blackboard-wailing-in-my-face’ face because I used his excursion against him so he could help you and you could stop your demanding screaming and go to school HAPPY.  I don’t want to send you unhappy to those poor teachers because I didn’t deal with my $h!t. (not at all referencing my kids) That is not their job.  They need to teach you all the IMPORTANT stuff that I don’t otherwise have time to, so you can have an awesome future…..and think with your HEAD and come up with a logical and wellthought out presentation for your parents of why you want to be with someone at twenty something years old.  ANNNND, I want you to go to school HAPPY.  I WANT FOR YOU TO BE HAPPY DAMMIT!”

Massive conversation in seconds.  Five minutes to go before school.  Losing miserably.  An avalanche of fraudulent parenting.  I need to read even more parenting articles.  I need to do more workshops or something.  In all seriousness, I only have 24 hours like everyone else.  Sometimes I feel like a fraud.  It’s funny how I focus on the uglies.

Conflict management is a transferable skill you know.  Mastery comes with practise.  North Korea and U.S.A. stop being my children.

Acutally when I take it all in. We haven’t done too badly. Stuff to work on. ALWAYS. It’s constant.

Parenting, actually.

p.s.  No children were harmed and sent to school as HAPPY as possible.  Husband came back to make sure I was happy.  Two heads are better than one at this,  I guess.  I am very thankful for him and our plot for FOREVER.

I am God. Yummy chocolates and Lucky Blues – part two

Chocolate cupcakes are still not obeying my magnetic pulling mind commands. I am very grateful however that they have made regular appearances in the last week. My daughter loves making them.

OK.  Got my raffle tickets.  Got Bluey (the stuffed elephant).  Got my view master.  (Remember those days ahhhh)

Thankfully(on this occassion), social media via the facebook page provided a suggestion for balance.  Not sure if this is what was meant but it was my interpretation of balance. :)  It is the fourth day and technically I have completed it by D-Day.  Night falls and day comes.

Theres the balance of yellow on the blue.
There’s the balance of yellow on the blue.

Thursday 28th March.  Easter Hat Parade at the primary school.  Excitement brimming over and spilling into my early morning baking.  Packing a scrumptious picnic lunch of kids favourites (witnessed by salivating onlookers of the highschool lot and their over complimenting father) as you do when you’re THEEEE most awesomest mum on the whole planet.  Well, today anyway according to the younger batch.

Easter hats, picnic and art
Easter hats, picnic and art

Casually, I hand over the completed canvas like it was no big deal.  But really.  That was like my first ever canvas painting ever, in my whole life ever!!!….like ever!  The recipient was very appreciative of the dramatic splash of colour these new pieces would make to his workspace.  The creator of the other master piece is responsible for my induction into this whole other world.

3D Masterpiece - mask onto surfboard onto canvas
3D Masterpiece – mask onto surfboard onto canvas

Cutest easter hat parade to the hippest hoppiest sounds.  Hilarious performances which almost (luckily not) had me joining in.  I must apologise to the family of the little girl on the right of my little girl.  All that concentration,  I’m sure your little girl was not intentionally dancing in my little girls space.  I hope you don’t think that she has been raised to be a pushy little know it all who physically guides your little girl back into her dancing space with extra words of encouragement to stay in her dancing space.  (OMG! Red faced and hoping little girls family were all at work or otherwise preoccupied at that moment)  Not enough red face for mum?? How about my little  girl has been boogie-ing her imaginary fluffly bunny rabbit tale a little too hard that she, fully-hands-across-tummy from a stitch and does a bit of massage therapy during the performance. Burst out laughing indicating I’m her mother OR notice nothing and clap.  Woo hoo!  Blending my clapping in with the crowd.

Picnic time followed by raffle draws.  Fingers and toes crossed sending the universe constant positive vibes of finally winning one of these school raffles.  Fifty tickets should definitely help me out.  Forgetting where I was, (actually it was disbelief) an attention seeking shriek of excitement radiated as my little girls name is called for draw number 7.  Not enough excitement for mummy?  How about the final draw?  Draw number 31.  Would you believe it?  I wouldn’t of either but I was there myself so I can vouch for it happening.  YIP.  We won the last one too!  It’s the fifth day and the laws of attraction are in play.

Here are my supernatural correlations and profound ponderings:

1 Bluey still waiting for me  after errands and with me when tickets were bought.

2 Bluey’s trunk is raised which is a sign of good luck in some cultures where there are elephants of course.

3 Won two easter raffles.

4 Raffle number 7 was won by BLUE ticket number 31

5  Little girls birthday is 31st July (31/07 for clarification)

6 Lucky last draw was the 31st draw

7 Completed my first ever canvas painting

8 Sixteen (16) days smokefree  and ahead of schedule (Good Friday was D-Day)

9 Hooked on painting now (been Googling like crazy)

10 Easter is celebrating NEW LIFE – The Resurrection

Night Falls and day comes.

GOOD FRIDAY 29th March.  Easter egging since yesterdays raffle wins.  My younger sister and one of the good toime (time) aunties arrived yesterday to replenish the egg supplies.  You only feel ill for a little while.  Another dose of family love with the brother in law surprising the kids and now my little girl has two besties she can float between. Imagine my bliss.  Chilling.  Hanging.  Chocolate.  Seventeen days smokefree.  The sixth day.  D-Day and being so blessed.  Night falls and day comes.

Saturday 30th March.  Up early to replenish egg supply.  My little girl has been happily playing the trusty Easter Bunny.  Such committment.  The Easter Bunny joins us for our early mall trawl.  Supplies and surprise.  Well, my grateful surprise anyway.  A NEW craft/bargains store has opened at the local mall.  Guess what they had in there?  Five millimeter (5mm) chocolate and turquoise curling ribbons.  I know right?  How freaking EXCITING!  I have just moved your mountains with that right?  So it should because they had heaps of these colours too.  I could not believe what I was witnessing.  I have been looking for these glorious colours for another project and  just dreading overseas shipment if all else failed.  Seriously, you do not realise how golden this moment was.  Like, ‘THATS GOLD!”

Chocolate mat with turquoise heart weave
Chocolate mat with turquoise heart weave

Full circle moment revelation.  This is the seventh day.  Tomorrow will be the thirty first.  It will be Easter Sunday.  Celebrating New Life and The Ressurection.  I have given life to something new in a canvas painting with a new found love for painting.

I am experiencing NEW in many areas of my life.  All five of my children are in school.  I am in a Community Mentoring Course.  I am looking at amalgamating my passions around the middle of the year.  My siblings and I are working on a new family home in Samoa even though my husband has already built it (on the computer).  There is a major shift occurring in my life.

I’m so glad my husband and I did the weeding a couple of weekends ago.  CLEARING the space for clarity to illuminate pathways.

This is the seventh day. So many YUMMY chocolates and gorgeous LUCKY blues.  I am God.  

And this.  Well?  This is bloody AWESOME!

What will you give NEW life to for 2013?

I am God. Yummy chocolates and Lucky Blues – part one

smokefree day 16 swhqGestational period of pregnancy has been my cigarette smoking cycle.  At the time of writing (not publishing) I am at day 16 of my first trimester.  Nine months out of each year over the last two years, I have been smokefree.  Three out of the twelve is overseas smoking and sadfaced-overseas-winding-down-smoking while back home LOL.  Plenty more varying degrees of smokefree sessions prior but this is what the last two years has looked like.

May 30th 2011 – Jan 18th 2012 SMOKEFREE

Jan 19th 2012 – Holy Thursday 2012 SMOKING (funeral overseas)

Good Friday 2012 – Dec 29th 2012 SMOKEFREE

Dec 30th 2012 – March 11th 2013 SMOKING (family holiday)

March 12th 2013 – present SMOKEFREE  (by the way March 12th is our wedding anniversary)

No real significant push this time, other than it’s now or never to start redirecting funds into other areas like my creative supplies.  Yeah it’s always about me.  I’m so selfish like that.  My husband bought 3 pairs of socks on his first day of smoke free that we calculated to be $10 per day per person.  It was important to redirect it immediately.  Tangible results.  Give the dollars a new job.  I went over my quota and bought $25 worth of craft supplies the next day.  What can I say?  I deserve more!  hee hee AND I didn’t use my $10 from the previous day and advancing $5 from the next day.  My math is so awesome I can quantify anything in a flash!

Thursday 28th March. D-day for painting project. (actually it was Wednesday 27th March)  Day before the other D-Day of Good Friday.  Friday = BE GOOD and stop smoking. 16 days ahead of the smokefree D-Day and counting.  Whoop whoop.  No way would my first ever canvas painting be completed with a fag hangin’ out of me mouth.  Right?  OK.   The honest reality coz truth is subjective and in the mind or the eyes of the beholder.

Since accepting (more mentally) my painting project, I had an instant vision.  


Confidence or lack of it delayed paint to canvas.  I drafted the vision immediately and then stared at the canvas and busied myself with other things (they were very important as well you know).  I work really well like this, I have found.  Having projects on the go and allowing each to stew in it’s own time in the back or foreground – whatever suits.  Then naturally I get sick after caring for sick children eating up more creating time.  Of course this is all psychologically induced.  Consumed with “sucking at painting (non existent skills) and going to have to buy several back up canvases just incase”, left me paralysed with only a vision and a draft. 

Do or Die.  Finally, Fight and flight stopped arguing.  Germs in flight.  I’m in fight mode.  Five days to go and painting supplies are now in physical existence.  Not, “I must go and get some paint soon”.  Enjoyed a community day at the oval with my little family celebrating Harmony Day.  A little clogged nasally but clearly intentional on achieving the goal and honouring myself.  Googling more techniques growing my confidence like extra limbs specifically designed for painting. (If only)  No back up canvases.  No more farting around.  It’s time to paint.  Load up sounds.  It’s time to jam.

Sunday 24th March.  Applied white texturing acrylic for wave froth using a spatula.  Technically I’m not painting.  I’m sculpting.  Phew!  I have to wait for this to dry now.  Still putting off the actual ‘PAINTING’ action.

Sort of starting....
Sort of starting….

Monday 25th March.  After my Community Mentoring Course session, I set myself up.  Physically and mentally.  (Like lots of deep breaths and reassuring I can do this).  Start simple.  Simply start.  Small brown scalene triangle in the right hand corner of the canvas.  I can do that.  I can even look like a real professional doing that too.  Mixing my paint on my ice cream lid and painting my canvas on my clothing A-frame easel.  Yeah man.  I look like a professional. Woohoo.  Samoan stylez painting or waste-not-want-not-environmentally-considerate.  Either works for me.  I’m both.   

professionale painting equipment :)
professionale painting equipment :)

That’s all it took.  Simply starting and starting simple.  Possessed I was, after the start.  Next the intense bright heat intended for my hibiscus on the left.  Confidence building with each stroke.

Heyyy I'm painting!
Heyyy I’m painting!

Now the big mama of them all.  The wave.  A combination of beautiful blues.

Diligently (like a great student), I follow my google instructions to the letter until I let myself go.  “I’m a professional”, I self-talk my confidence up.  My new limbs specifically grown for this project create magic.  On the second day I stand back and say, “It is good”.  Night falls and day comes.

Seascape acrylic canvas painting
Seascape acrylic canvas painting

Tuesday 26th March.  Stage 2:  Adding the black painted stencil layer.  Google my patient teacher.  I keep going back to ask questions.  Balance.  Symmetry.  Gloss.  Water.  Effects.  Filing now for future reference.  Yes I am now hooked and want to do more.  Dancing.  Jamming.  Creating.  It is the third day and tomorrow is D-Day.  The end of day three I stand back and say, “OMG, I friggin did it”.  Frantically text my supporters.  “It is done”.  Night falls and day comes.

"It is done", ish
“It is done”, ish

Wednesday 27th March.  Canvas D-Day.  Critical eye starts twitching.  Brown scalene corner triangle needs something?  Thank you Facebook followers and contributors to this new path in my journey.  Balance! Important errands provide the space for the relaxation of the critical eye while seeking balance.

Here begins the weird twist to my whole first painting experience.  (cue doo doo doo doo alfred hitchcock movie music)  Waiting at the bus stop I see a goregous stuffed blue elephant sitting on a pink and purple stand (like in a circus) being placed outside the kids school gates.  Internal voice, “Oh well, he’ll have a new home by the time I return”.

“Bluey” has a new home now!  Returning from errands, off the bus and into the school to purchase last minute easter raffle tickets.  Who’s waiting for me inside the school gate?  My cute little blue elephant friend.  Thinking I would leave him for the school, I take him with me to the canteen to buy my raffle tickets.  Canteen lady says, “Aren’t you taking your friend?”.  Hmmmm?? Yeah, I will actually.  Soooooo, Bluey came home and had his life lovingly squished out of him and dragged from here to there by the trunk.  My little two love feeding him cashews, cupcakes and whatever else Bluey wants to eat (apparently everything).

Why am I making a big deal or even importantising* by writing about a stuffed elephant?? (ah he’s really cute and I like adding mystery to my blots-blog plots)

My lucky blue friend
My cute and lucky blue friend. The raffle ticket on his foot will be revealed in Part Two of this BLOT (Blog Plot)

I am God.  In seven days I created a whole new world.  I’m not superstitious and favour science mostly.  However, there are series of events (as in my last 7 days) that has me create my own supernatural links.  Mostly out of observation and the pure joy of making correlations that may not actually be the truth.

I believe in creating my own world and causing the universe to align with what I create.  You know?  Like how I would pretend to hold my hand out to a cupcake and it moves towards me by itself.  That kind of power.  Mastercard got nothing on that.  Priceless.

My world of happiness and fulfillment causes more of what I want.  Flip side, is living in a world of despairing sadface catastrophes and inviting more of that in your life.  Well that’s just my experience in my life over the years.  What have you experienced, created and invited in your life?

TO BE CONTINUED….. (because I didn’t expect this deeply profound  LOL  post to be this long)

If you are still reading then you have just read 1357 words including captions.  Here’s a couple of ✶✶ for you.  :)

*importantising: to make important

Are we really a superior species?

“How was your weekend?”
“Good. What church do you go to?”


Weekend and church must obviously go together I suppose.  After all, I did ask, “How was your church?”.
Firstly, an assumption was made as a reply to my genuine interest in causing conversation.
Secondly, answering the question was of far less importance to what was really requiring an answer.
Thirdly, the assumption made with a closed question leaves no possibility for an open conversation.
Finally, What the hell does my religious beliefs have to do with the price of fish?

Will you now judge me and assess me based on my answer to your question?
I have plenty of opinions myself and only look to actions as an indicator of a persons character.  After having a hilarious laugh with the talented Lani Wendt Young and her devil worshipping, my own personal experiences had a temporary outlet.

This most recent experience about my religious affiliation is no different to many others (too many for my liking in this one life time) I have encountered.  My experience with the automatic assumption has not surprised me yet. I look forward to being surprised one day but then I would probably need to be the ethnicity of another assumption. Another judgement. More of a generalisation. Statistically proven maybe.

“I indulge in evil sins of the flesh seducing my husband revelling in our heated connectedness and his attention. Lazing around watching movies with our kids and having many disagreements about the ownership of chores. Constanstly discussing hopes and dreams and whether our current actions will fulfil them”.

These thoughts and more were being contemplated before I looked her straight in the face (evil I am but I love to see first reactions) and answered, “I do not go to church”.

“Heeeey??”, like the vowel ‘e’  being combined with a climbing hey? was just audible so obviously a replay was necessary.

“No, my family do not go to church”, I repeated just in case clarification was required.

Searching for some opening to elaborate further was sadly futile.  In those few hopefully-you-haven’t-just-judged-me seconds, her facials screamed disappointment at me.   Actions speak forensically clearer than any argument can ever convey.

Facial contortion pinching at the forehead in a disapproving disbelieving horrified expression indicated an open conversation was not available.

Physically turning away from the evidence, “oh”, was murmured lowly under the breathe with the hint of gossip tone disappointment.  Like OMG you are soooo not worthy kind of oh.  (serious self control was activated)

I may not honour the Almighty in all the conventional ways generated by society succeeded from a long history that created the canvas of beliefs.
I choose my way.  Holding firmly onto the hand that guides my mind and using my eyes seeing  what can be possible.  I listen to the voice of my soul and it speaks kindly and patiently to this physical being that walks the earth absorbing everything in and slowly expressing fully her inner passions.   Awakening an awareness to the pure and simple behaviour of nature and life itself.

When did the inquiring mind become suppressed or confused by the threat of blasphemy?
Why and who gave us the absolute authority in civilisation?
What is civilisation but a declaration made by one species?

Natures laws are simple and have been tampered with and twisted by a so-called civilised species.  Parameters generated under the radar dictating what is appropriate behaviour.   The law of the jungle is simply TO EAT and BE EATEN.  That is who we are for each other in the cycle of life or the circle of life (cue the Lion King song).  And we should rejoice in being of service.

Thankful that I’m not sharks dinner or lions breakfast but I guess that is our species unique advantage. Our survival technique as does every other animal.

We have the ability of cognitive reasoning and thinking.   Operating by a set of universally accepted guidelines of appropriate and doing good unto others.  Treating others they way you want to be treated…
and even, WE majorly suck collectively using our own guidelines.  We create wars from our awesome thinking and kill off even the other species in the process.  Like who do we think we are.

Years and years of intelligence and we still only use only a tenth of our brains and that is the smartest pants of the brains in the world.
So I assert that I am merely a dumb human being with the utmost freedom to think for myself and not be bound by the constraints of conformation.

So NO I do not actively participate with the Sunday morning practises.
YES, I do when I am with my parents or family because I respect their beliefs.
I acknowledge other peoples beliefs and have no opinions on anyones personal religious affiliations.
My children are not damned because of my irresponsible parenting of not having them attached to one set of beliefs.  My children know God, greatness and the amazing bounty of their environment that I unashamedly drill into them regularly.  Gratitude is breathing.

If I must express an opinion it will be whether what I can see works for all people.  What could occur inside a religious community (or any other) that could be of service to that community.

The community exists because of people so therefore it stands out in blaring neon lights for me that the people be served in some way shape or form that forwards their lives.  I believe a harmonious existence void of unnecessary suffering and sacrifice could work favourably.  It is sacrilegious to hold people to ransom with an unfounded truth of only through suffering and sacrifice can a person be free, successful or do good.

Racism, equality etcetera and yet we are all separated by beliefs and standards.  Oh thats right..Yes we all have the right to freedom of speech and defending our civil liberty.  How about we just be great people and encourage greatness without the templates handed down by appointed leaders and past wars.

Yes, leaders serve a purpose AND hopefully for the good of the people.

At the end of the day and the fore of your own life: BE YOUR OWN LEADER!

What does mentoring look like?

My parents would so have a massive Samoan style BF if they knew of my mischievous brat antics while in my last two years of high school.  Mildly put, I kinda spiralled out of control.  I dunno???  Maybe something to do with raging hormones, developing frontal lobes and all out confused teenage rebellion.

I wasn’t a screechingly loud annoying type.  Just quiet and intimidating lone rebel from hell.  Friends not a requirement.  Doc martens and steel caps my shoes of choice.   Don’t cross me.   #Anger management alert.

My teenager daughter is baffled by my psychic eagle powers of seeing around all her angles of deception attemtps.

Honey, I am MASTER deception.  Sensei Sneaky.  SAS Covert Operations Elite.  The all seeing eye.  The Oracle.

Two more years of expert training acquired at university until I was (thankfully) suspended.

Group work at my Community Mentoring Course earlier this week had us picking random questions out of a bag. (A coles cooler bag if you must know) Purpose was to observe mentee or mentor conduct.  An intentional exercise that drew out automatic behaviours.  Illuminating I must say.

Answering my selected question without hesitation and direct honesty was a breeze.  No further discussion required. (I’m just awesome like that)  Personal reflection and profound probing later stirred emotions inspiring this post.

RANDOMN QUESTION: “Who was your favourite teacher and why?”
ANSWER: “My 6th form accounting teacher.  I was 16 and she believed in me when those around me didn’t.  She picked me up when I needed it. (Realising I’m in a mentoring course)  Wow! I guess you could say she was like a mentor for me”.

Like seriously.  In a mentoring course and realising I had my own at a critical time in my life. PRICELESS.
Could that be why I’m ok with who I am right now. Yes, she was definitely a huge factor.

  • What teacher stands up for you when colleagues discuss your lack of attendance in Statistics?

Instead she casually (as teachers do….NOT EVEN) walks into the senior common room and asks whether I’m supposed to be somewhere right now. I am honest with her after all she is also my form teacher too.
“Yip, statistics and it’s so boring and I don’t understand any of it. Annnnd she only teaches the front of the class and ignores us at the back”.

“Oh, OK”, is all she says. Sitting there waiting for her to ORDER me back to class she tells me about a leaving certificate. “It is a national certificate that recognises your official satisfactory completion of high school. Future employers will want to see this”.

Yeah my turn to go, “Oh, OK”.

“Um, you need to satisfy certain criteria of attendance, competency and satisfactorily completing all subjects”.

Case closed. “Yes Miss. I will be at all future statistic classes and I will sit at the front”. I still loathe statistics but learned what I needed to.

Did she like do a mentoring course or something?

  • What teacher turns up to your house after 3 days of consecutive absences and simply asks whether I’m ok.

(My parents only knew I wasn’t at school for one day. I was hanging at a friends on the other two days)  I was so moved by her concern that I made sure I was at school for her.  I really didn’t want to disappoint her anymore. (not that it was about disappointing her but I never realised that yet)

  • What teacher gets permission to take me out of school grounds for lunch?

One that is concerned enough to recognise self destruction. I lost one of my best mates to cancer and refused to attend her funeral.  I was so angry.  All she said to me was this, “If you ever need to talk about anything I am here not as your teacher but just someone to listen”.  Told her I was fine.

  • What teacher sews your ball dress and says if you ever get married I would like the honour of making your wedding dress?

I got hitched at the registry so no wedding dress there but my ball dress came complete with the royalty of a cape. I was a princess without my regular armour and defence mechanisms activated.

  • What teacher helps you cram at her place for finals because you can’t bluff your way anymore through highschool….while she makes her famous shortbread cookies for brain food?

I failed miserably by the way but it was enough to get into a Science degree at the University which my older brother helpfully enrolled me into.  God bless him for his unconditional commitment to my future.

I begrudgingly attended  University the following year with no honest attempt at trying.  I didn’t want to be there. I was lost and confused and just wanted to immerse myself into a job.

I never thanked her properly nor have I kept in touch.  She is always in my heart.  I carry her kindness with me always.  I still have her glowing reference letter that I thought she must have confused me with someone else and put the wrong name on it.

She believed in me when others gave up.  She encouraged me to take on leadership roles and I loved it.  House Captain.  Samoan Group Leader and principal dancer.  Volleyball Captain.  I thrived in the environment of rallying, delegating and inspiring towards success. (OK. Miss Competitive-Take-No-Prisoners-Mercy is for the weak-Fun is when we celebrate winning)  #Issues.

She saw what I didn’t.  Frustrating most,  she broke down my barriers long enough for me to glimpse my potential.
She told me I had the potential to do anything I wanted to and would set about achieving it with distinction.  It is who you are.

I have carried that with me (often trying not to) through life.
Why didn’t I keep in touch.  Because I didn’t realise I had a mentor.
I just thought of her as my favourite teacher who gave a damn.
Of all my highschool memories and subjects learned, she is what has stuck and can recall vividly.

She had two brats when I was in high school.  One graduated with honours in Psychology and is a Doctor in Clinical Psychology working for/with youth offenders and the relevant agencies.
I am an Executive Research Analyst in Behavioural Sciences specialising in child behaviour.  I am the Chairman on the Board of Directors for Unasa Holdings.  In my spare time I am an artist and I write for self-expression.

Not too bad for a couple of brats that one teacher made time for.

Thank you so much for the difference you made in my life.

My simple secret to losing 12kg in 4 weeks #Truestory

Yes, I know YOU want the answer! Let’s see how much traffic this post will possibly generate(if any) compared to my current religious group of five. :)

how to lose 12kgs in 4 wks disclaimer

I do hope you have paid attention to my very very very important disclaimer above.  I am an emerging artist and a hopeful writer not a qualified health professional. :)

Accompanying child number one (#1) to the doctors a week ago seeking further assistance to remove all traces of our holiday bliss from her skin, proved a marked improvement (unawares I might add) in my own health goals.

Seriously, special rain dance to the scales gods while waiting in the doctors room.
Checking three times for good measure.

Encouraged #1 to jump on the scales and check the health of the scales themselves.
“Stop it mum the docs coming”, #1 whispers with concern.
I reassure her concerns, “And what? He’s gonna put me in the corner or charge me for over exerting his scales?”
(These scales never had this much loved heaped onto it bwahahaha)

She was only too eager to confirm the deceptive scales.  The truth was all too much for her to bear.  Or was it my rain dance and stifled giggling that was drawing the attention of waiting onlookers.  (it’s my job to embarrass my children)

“Mum, the people in reception can see and hear you”.

“Well I have something to be joyful about honey”.

Hahaha.  All of a sudden it dawns on her that I was wearing jeans that she hasn’t seen me wear in over a year. Ahh hello honey?  (wish she would use her powers of observation in her room too-it’s a teenage mess)

Anyway, walking like a deformed duck in denim is not good for the posture. (I don’t succumb that easily to fashion pressure.  If it’s tight.  It don’t fit!)

By the way, we did address her skin issues with the doctor.

An ALL inspiring step by step guide to my transformational weight loss filled with steely determination and guts of sacrificial sweat sessions but……sadly NO.  It depends really.  It might be a false glimmer of hope for some.

My revelation will either inspirate (cupcake’s famous word from MKR) you OR deflate all your notions by obliterating all the recommended health paraphernalia about exercise and diet. It is almost tempting to prove the experts wrong but I know that my miraculous weight loss with ease, was simply a pleasurable sweet bonus of my recent holiday. Oh, if only this delicious treat were the norm and not the exception to the rule.

RULE: Hard work = Results

EXCEPTION: Relaxing, coca cola in a bottle, holiday cigarette smoking, eating when I felt like it.  Sweating profusely voluntarily like a pua’a (pig) AND without lifting a single finger, weights let alone my well developed kalo (taro) calves.

I have managed to defy the impossible and lose 12kgs.  True Story!

Don't know if that shows how much I lost given I look friggin awesome before and after :)
Don’t know if that shows how much I lost given I look friggin awesome before and after :)

The scale gods confirmed it in the  serious abode of health professionals. I am an exception to the rule. My body  willingly is/was purely a fine tuned fat burning machine.

Enthusiastically, I shared my new found fat loss success formula to my gorgeous breadwinner and was stunned at his lack of support for my health and the wellbeing of our little family.    (Healthy me-Happy family)

If it works then why would I go against what works. Especially with no effort. OMG THAT IS A DREAM for a busy fiery goddess. I can weave and lose weight by just moving my fingers.

Only that according to my maths to reach my goal weight I will need to return to Samoa for ummmmm……only three months.

IT’S ONLY THREE MONTHS.  It’s important.  A priority.

There is no price to put on that new fabulicious body my health. I can drop the cigarettes again.

(I am not endorsing smoking & will be quitting again on Good Friday-yeah. Oh and consuming ridiculous amounts of refreshing coke from a glass bottle) I have this holiday habit that takes a couple of months to shake trying to keep the holiday dream alive inside the matrix again.

So there you have my secret formula. It would only cost $600AU off peak but the results will absolutely send you to another realm or an island.

And if I want to keep it off.


Stay in Samoa forever and ever and ever. I just need internet and ribbons and I will be as happy as a pig in mud. Just better looking all over. Ohhhhh Yeahhhhhhh.

Sorry honey. Gotta do this for us. You can always join me ;)   (No, he isn’t having it one bit)

The Simple Secret to Losing 12kgs with ease.....HAPPINESS :)
The Simple Secret to Losing 12kgs with ease…..HAPPINESS :)

Source of my pungent inspirating

Inspirated by the women in my life.

My mum and dad.  Forever young. XXX
My mum and dad. Forever young. XXX

Yes, inspirated is so a word.  Made famous by Cupcake on Australias MKR (My Kitchen Rules) television show.

Inspirating expirating (ok that’s my word derived from the Cupcake word  meaning to leek inspirating) from every pore.

Ooooozing from within a person that fuels their passion and love for what they do.  Deodorants and antiperspirants are offensive and cannot even contain the sweet sweat of inspirating.

Assaulting all my senses and those around me with my inspirating.

That’s my definition of Cupcakes inspirating.  I love it.

The Virgin Mary, Mother Theresa, Maya Angelou to name a few prominent women inspirate my life.

My newly created network of creative passionate women permeating my world, physically and online in the past year have raised my levels of inspirating.

The woman who have walked with me in my life and carry me through my current journey are the most pungent source of my inspirating.

My womanhood by Maureen Unasa- daughter and sister

Orphaned in her early teenage years of innocence.
Taken in by Catholic nuns with her twin sister.
Appropriately named.
Origins of words and stories.
Safe and secure in marriage.
A most magnificent, gentle and loving man.
Raising a stubborn sharp tongued daughter.
Berating her at every opportunity.
Her lack of parenting skills.
Scorned an unfit mother.
Her own ripped from her life.
Tender age of 5 or 6 years old.
She does not fully recall.
Her mother she didn’t get to laugh with.
As I do with you.
Her father reunites with her mother up above.
Her father I will never have the chance to utter, “Grandpa”.
Mum, it is my deepest desire to write your story one day soon.
Your strength, your love and your generosity is hopefully what you see in me.
Doubtful, there will ever be anyone that comes close to you.
I love you.
Thank you a thousand times over and a million times more.
I weep joyfully for the gift of having you as my mum.

The RIGHT one is my white sister.
Child by child she imprints lasting love.
Unconditional is her love.
Beyond her physical presence the countless children continue to blossom.
Each is always one to you.
You are a gift to all children especially my own.
Reaffirming the fiction of my unfounded opinions acquired in my early years.
Short is the time we have had thus far.
A magnificent journey yearned by some.
Hopefully in an entire lifetime.
Many will not share our comfortable chair.
A regretful loss it would have been.
Connectedness costs.
We’ve paid for it a thousand times over and a million times more.
Insignificant was that cost.
Pale has no comparison to the lottery I have won with you.
My brother, my niece I have because of you.
I promise to honour and cherish you all the days of my life until death do us part.
I love you and I thank you.

The ROCK be my younger sister. Coined that herself.
The reality is stronger.
Indestructible by any means or force.
Impaled in my heart is yours.
Our hearts bleed as one.
Now and forever.
Unknown till now.
We share the same pain.
Forging self determination.
Fueling your furnace of flaming resilience.
Extreme compression ineffective against your strength.
Your ability to return to original form.
Solidifies you as my ROCK.
My strength.
My energy when I need it most.
You my sister are to be feared.
I am mostly external strength.
Yours is internal.
Proven from the time of your birth.
Weak in all physical apparentness.
Extremely underestimated.
Your will and fierce spirit.
My rock when I need it most.
I love you and I thank you.

Doing a “T” is my youngest sister.
The baby she may be but packs a punch like no other.
You are my reality. You are the collective hopes and dreams of our family.
Held to ransom you drip feed me your awesomeness and attractiveness.
You transport me to another world of possibility.
You allow thine eyes to see me in you.
The vast beauty of the world through your eyes.
The memories captured in your face.
The world is yours and you own it.
You walk freely among the shackled.
Confidently you stand out in the crowd.
Daring the world.
It is your oyster.
Fearless as your own person.
Others slink in your shadows.
I admire you.
Your attitude. Your spirit. Your energy.
I use yours when mine are depleted.
I will always look out for you.
I will always look up to you.
I will always walk with you.
You have always walked with me.
I love you and I thank you.

My womanhood is lovingly embraced in all your arms.
Walks confidently in all your footsteps.
Seen clearly in all your eyes.
Speaks truthfully in all your voices.
Revealed ferverntly in all your minds.
Beats strongly in all your hearts.
I am you.
All of me.
I love you.
I thank you.

February 2013

My sisters
Love my sisters

Patience and Volcanic nightmares

“Perspective with a side of patience combo meal please”.  Actually, Can I upsize the patience please?

Placed my order for a Community Mentoring Course as part of my “loose” plan in the direction I want to take for part of SWHQ.  With all my grand ideas and plausibly endearing notions of contribution to my world, ASSUMPTIONS is the mother of all stuff-ups  (politely speaking).

Ready to rock 2013
Ready to rock 2013

Getting down and dirty in the grassroots level of the community to listen for what the real needs are and whether I have something to offer.  My perception could be simply that.  Just my own point of view.  Not necessarily the truth of what is needed.  I am looking for the evidence that qualifies my intentions.  I am not interested in ego stroking (even though it’s  a great pick me up in moderation).  I seek substance and value with tangible results that go way beyond what I think is possible.

Yes, I want to move mountains.  I need to begin at the base.  No point standing at the top and yelling down to move it already. (doesn’t roll-over with my children)  I have another fifteen Mondays to clarify the path and direction I want to move this mountain.

Order for todays session:  Upsize my patience.  Mentoring requires mastery in allowing others to own their lives.  As a combo meal, I will literally be able to eat it up while being a mentoring “artist” for an ambitious young lady who has enlisted my help for her Visual Arts Major this year.  Truly honoured with a serving of trepidation at her faith in my ability. ( I think this Community Mentoring Course will definitely come in handy)

Gratefully, I will immerse myself in two projects that will allow the course content to stew in the background.

Stepping into the world of the unknown guided simply by my passion arouses the solemn contemplation of getting a “job” this year.  The lull of security.  The beckoning of familiar.  The embrace of safe.  The satisfaction of knowing.

And then…..I wake up from my nightmare with tense fingers at the ready to create something magical.  Something from my own imagination.  Unlocking years of organised control and routine.  The dormant volcano of full self expression waiting to spew out the gloriousness of fiery fury.

Yeah…Nahhhhh…..This fiery goddess can no longer be contained in any semblance of a routine.  Her fiery fury flows towards the unknown altering the surface of everything it touches.  Moving as nature intended.

I am very blessed to have the support of my bread winner because it’s very important I nourish his ego him that way.  Because that way, we both get what we want.  It’s totally a win-win situation. :)

I look forward to captivating you with my fiery self expressions as they flow.  In the meantime, I’ll try and avoid the temptations of the fast food industry.  It’s not helping with these voluptuous volcanic curves I got going on.



Doing what works

Wishing I was in the presence of the older generations of experience to hand skills down as practised in the old days.  Knowledge and skills passed down through the years was how things were taught.    The Mango’s Kiss by Albert Wendt brought it home for me.  Through this way of teaching you instantaneously inherit core values like respect, patience, discipline, love and commitment. (And all the others I won’t rattle on about)

Figuring it out myself
Figuring it out myself

Aunts, mothers and grandmothers teaching the skilful art of weaving to young girls from an early age.  Uncles, fathers and grandfathers teaching young men what it is to provide and maintain a working family unit.  Everyone has a role.  Everyone knows their role.  Everyone understands it’s importance.  Even if you don’t understand, it is done.  Simply, because it needs to be done.  Doing what needs to be done because it works.

My current world requires that sometimes, I just gotta figure it out for myself.

Figuring it out for myself means that sometimes I feel like a fraud as in my last post.  I know in my heart I am not one.  Creating from my own imagination with the skills and knowledge acquired so far.  It has not been handed down to me.  The few workshops I have attended to weave a mini mat has been my only hands on teaching.  Google, you tube and books have primarily handed down to me everything else.  This appears to be the modern practise of teaching yourself.  It doesn’t hand down the core values.  (Usually hands down curse words)

My concerns for raising my children in this modern world weaves its way into my creations.  This modern world of information and technology has almost sealed the fate of values and traditions.  Flashing lights and big money no longer resides in the big far away reach of the city.  It’s in my face.  It’s in my children’s face.  Screen technology teaches and hands down whatever it wants you to digest.  Conforms thinking.  Skews reality.  Creates confusion.  Values optional.

Does there need to be a cost for progress?

Doing what needs to be done in your role because it works OR free thinking and freedom of speech because it’s your God given right to have it.  Objections, protesting, unfairness, inequality, legal proceedings, precedents, wars, constantly fighting all day every day.  For what?

How about your only God given right is to breathe and be grateful for that.  The end.

If things are simply done because it WORKS then why chase, change or create.  Because our species are compelled to FIX SH!* THAT AINT BROKE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Driven by ego.
Recognition’s well is dry.
Acknowledgement’s thirsty.
I want to be GOD!
Let’s play.

Seriously.  House of sticks under a coconut tree.  Let’s weave.

Fraudster Alert!

Yesterdays creation 13/02/13
Yesterdays creation 13/02/13

Doubting myself and the skill of my hands is like spiralling down the rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland. Never read the book but I watched Australian MKR.  The Tasmanian contestants used the “Wonderland” theme and I was starting to feel like them in their kitchen. I didn’t want to cry though because according to the mother and daughter beauty queens team, “Crying is a sign of weakness”. Makes me want to slap the daughter and see if I can produce some tears.

Ooops pardon me. This is not a post about “My Kitchen Rules”.

Feedback in Samoa (ok just my family lol) on my little weaving creations were very humbling (cue outward humility while doing my jig and waving hands in the air in my mind). Yeah, I do “humble” really well on the outside.

My family were “astounded” I say, at how I could weave. I didn’t know whether to be offended at first. They were baffled at how I could weave when I don’t live in Samoa.  Secondly, how could I  possibly weave with something as delicate as curling ribbon. (Well you know, I’m just awesome)

(Cue professional sounding expert) I shared my story with them.  The kids school project and learning from a master weaver to create what is now dubbed as “The Golden Mat”. (oooo I love that) Explained the intricacies of working with ribbon and the satisfaction it brings me to create cultural art with contemporary materials. (Can’t remember what made up Samoan words I used)

Ooooo’s, ahhhhh’s and Samoan wow’s (oka oka ia oe, ese lou poto – wow to you, you are so clever). Yeah tell me about it, I non-humbly say in my head.  At least it wasn’t the other kind of  “WOW” I got from my uncles with the added handspans making me out the size of a whale.

Cute little pink gift bag prototype.
Cute little pink gift bag prototype.

Seeking some serious weaving tutorials from my family of weaving experts kind of didn’t really happen except the one time I was taught how to make a pola (Samoan blind and when pola’s are attached together they work like roman blinds).

Tables turned, I showed one family member how to make flowers and lilies so she can bust out her awesomeness when it’s her turn to decorate the church. I showed mum how to make fancy lolly lei’s (ula lole) and left her some arrangements she can unravel in her own time. I have verbal contracts (lol) to supply SWHQ bling for a souvenir shop that my aunty is going to incorporate (undoubtedly the most relaxation I ever got) at Sevemanaia Beach Fale’s in Savai’i (that was totally a plug and you gotta go there)

WOW!  Just reminiscing on my trip I feel I am on the right track with my weaving. Unique and original. Personal and handmade from the heART. I think I have shaken the “fraudster” now I think back to those reactions.

There is so much I want to do and only one pair of hands. The mind is furiously creating and filing ideas.

BREATHE LADY! (cause otherwise I might will die if I don’t)

Before anyone asks me for orders or my family harasses me again to SELL SELL SELL, I have this to say…..

Seriously tested my love for curling ribbon - was a fiddly one especially when you teach yourself
Seriously tested my love for curling ribbon

Everything I do is an expression of who I am.
I work from the heart.
It satisfies my soul.
The process is unravelling myself and my life.

My intention is always to produce ART first.
Secondly, to serve the communities I am a part of.

The money will come. There is a (loose) plan.

So you better start saving now bwahahahahaha. Hopefully I am not all unravelled and get all tangled up.


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