Oh My Gracious me. Not winning this morning. NOT WINNING!
Fifteen years of fraud at this job. Yes it’s a job. Maybe it’s community service. Unpaid volunteer. If I don’t do this properly (or as properly as I can) then what are we (my husband and I) sending out into the community. My service to the community is to send out some global commandos. Awesome beings taking a stand for their world.
Epic failure. Questionning whether the higher power was having a bad day or five entrusting these precious gems to me (us). LOVE actually and the butterfly euphoria where nothing else existed except being together and entertaining the craziest plot of having this beautiful forever, FOREVER.
Clouded (obviously) we spoke it into existence. Inevitable actually. Possibly foolish and presently ridiculously stupid was our crazy intoxicated plot of “having kids” achieving our blissful FOREVER. Oh My Gracious me!!!
Having kids is an amazing FOREVER. Having to actually PARENT them. Unseen miscalculation and err from all logic.
NOTE: If it doesn’t involve humans then lead from your heart OTHERWISE use all other indicators of judgement…..like your HEAD and
maybe sometons of research.
Pondering with left hand holding my head up, now writing….”What the HELL was I thinking?” (hmmm I wasn’t actually)
Today is just one of THEM days (that a girl goes through…cue Monica-Don’t take it Personal) <iframe width=”420″ height=”315″ src=”http://www.youtube.com/embed/_EeVlB8Uou8″ frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen></iframe>
All before school.
- #5 plays with #4’s wooden train set.
- #4 complains.
- I ask #5 to put it away before their dad takes them to school.
- #5 demands #4 to help her.
- #4 ignores her.
- #5 screams at #4 to help her.
Fifteen minutes to go before the bell.
- Yes, #5 needs to get off her little demanding tantrum and put it away.
- #4 could help if he wanted to.
- I presented both sides of the argument to both parties.
- Both parties not budging.
- Test (tease) #4’s unhelpfulness using next terms excursion as a carrot.
Oh My Gracious me! Warning sirens blaring with the bursting of the dams right in my face that I just wanted to shove something in to stop it or maybe slap it closed. Pushing #4 out of my immediate space #5 is welling up and pipes, “You are not allowed to push him you know”. “Are you serious?”, I say to myself.
Still talking to myself, “If you just packed away his trainset we wouldn’t be here right now. Or maybe not play with it in the first place. And you wanna tell me what I shouldn’t be doing. I didn’t push him. I moved him out of my immediate range of wanting to slap his ‘fingernails-scraping-on-blackboard-wailing-in-my-face’ face because I used his excursion against him so he could help you and you could stop your demanding screaming and go to school HAPPY. I don’t want to send you unhappy to those poor teachers because I didn’t deal with my $h!t. (not at all referencing my kids) That is not their job. They need to teach you all the IMPORTANT stuff that I don’t otherwise have time to, so you can have an awesome future…..and think with your HEAD and come up with a logical and wellthought out presentation for your parents of why you want to be with someone at twenty something years old. ANNNND, I want you to go to school HAPPY. I WANT FOR YOU TO BE HAPPY DAMMIT!”
Massive conversation in seconds. Five minutes to go before school. Losing miserably. An avalanche of fraudulent parenting. I need to read even more parenting articles. I need to do more workshops or something. In all seriousness, I only have 24 hours like everyone else. Sometimes I feel like a fraud. It’s funny how I focus on the uglies.
Conflict management is a transferable skill you know. Mastery comes with practise. North Korea and U.S.A. stop being my children.
Acutally when I take it all in. We haven’t done too badly. Stuff to work on. ALWAYS. It’s constant.
p.s. No children were harmed and sent to school as HAPPY as possible. Husband came back to make sure I was happy. Two heads are better than one at this, I guess. I am very thankful for him and our plot for FOREVER.