I am God. Yummy chocolates and Lucky Blues – part one

smokefree day 16 swhqGestational period of pregnancy has been my cigarette smoking cycle.  At the time of writing (not publishing) I am at day 16 of my first trimester.  Nine months out of each year over the last two years, I have been smokefree.  Three out of the twelve is overseas smoking and sadfaced-overseas-winding-down-smoking while back home LOL.  Plenty more varying degrees of smokefree sessions prior but this is what the last two years has looked like.

May 30th 2011 – Jan 18th 2012 SMOKEFREE

Jan 19th 2012 – Holy Thursday 2012 SMOKING (funeral overseas)

Good Friday 2012 – Dec 29th 2012 SMOKEFREE

Dec 30th 2012 – March 11th 2013 SMOKING (family holiday)

March 12th 2013 – present SMOKEFREE  (by the way March 12th is our wedding anniversary)

No real significant push this time, other than it’s now or never to start redirecting funds into other areas like my creative supplies.  Yeah it’s always about me.  I’m so selfish like that.  My husband bought 3 pairs of socks on his first day of smoke free that we calculated to be $10 per day per person.  It was important to redirect it immediately.  Tangible results.  Give the dollars a new job.  I went over my quota and bought $25 worth of craft supplies the next day.  What can I say?  I deserve more!  hee hee AND I didn’t use my $10 from the previous day and advancing $5 from the next day.  My math is so awesome I can quantify anything in a flash!

Thursday 28th March. D-day for painting project. (actually it was Wednesday 27th March)  Day before the other D-Day of Good Friday.  Friday = BE GOOD and stop smoking. 16 days ahead of the smokefree D-Day and counting.  Whoop whoop.  No way would my first ever canvas painting be completed with a fag hangin’ out of me mouth.  Right?  OK.   The honest reality coz truth is subjective and in the mind or the eyes of the beholder.

Since accepting (more mentally) my painting project, I had an instant vision.  

Vision
Vision

Confidence or lack of it delayed paint to canvas.  I drafted the vision immediately and then stared at the canvas and busied myself with other things (they were very important as well you know).  I work really well like this, I have found.  Having projects on the go and allowing each to stew in it’s own time in the back or foreground – whatever suits.  Then naturally I get sick after caring for sick children eating up more creating time.  Of course this is all psychologically induced.  Consumed with “sucking at painting (non existent skills) and going to have to buy several back up canvases just incase”, left me paralysed with only a vision and a draft. 

Do or Die.  Finally, Fight and flight stopped arguing.  Germs in flight.  I’m in fight mode.  Five days to go and painting supplies are now in physical existence.  Not, “I must go and get some paint soon”.  Enjoyed a community day at the oval with my little family celebrating Harmony Day.  A little clogged nasally but clearly intentional on achieving the goal and honouring myself.  Googling more techniques growing my confidence like extra limbs specifically designed for painting. (If only)  No back up canvases.  No more farting around.  It’s time to paint.  Load up sounds.  It’s time to jam.

Sunday 24th March.  Applied white texturing acrylic for wave froth using a spatula.  Technically I’m not painting.  I’m sculpting.  Phew!  I have to wait for this to dry now.  Still putting off the actual ‘PAINTING’ action.

Sort of starting....
Sort of starting….

Monday 25th March.  After my Community Mentoring Course session, I set myself up.  Physically and mentally.  (Like lots of deep breaths and reassuring I can do this).  Start simple.  Simply start.  Small brown scalene triangle in the right hand corner of the canvas.  I can do that.  I can even look like a real professional doing that too.  Mixing my paint on my ice cream lid and painting my canvas on my clothing A-frame easel.  Yeah man.  I look like a professional. Woohoo.  Samoan stylez painting or waste-not-want-not-environmentally-considerate.  Either works for me.  I’m both.   

professionale painting equipment :)
professionale painting equipment 🙂

That’s all it took.  Simply starting and starting simple.  Possessed I was, after the start.  Next the intense bright heat intended for my hibiscus on the left.  Confidence building with each stroke.

Heyyy I'm painting!
Heyyy I’m painting!

Now the big mama of them all.  The wave.  A combination of beautiful blues.

Diligently (like a great student), I follow my google instructions to the letter until I let myself go.  “I’m a professional”, I self-talk my confidence up.  My new limbs specifically grown for this project create magic.  On the second day I stand back and say, “It is good”.  Night falls and day comes.

Seascape acrylic canvas painting
Seascape acrylic canvas painting

Tuesday 26th March.  Stage 2:  Adding the black painted stencil layer.  Google my patient teacher.  I keep going back to ask questions.  Balance.  Symmetry.  Gloss.  Water.  Effects.  Filing now for future reference.  Yes I am now hooked and want to do more.  Dancing.  Jamming.  Creating.  It is the third day and tomorrow is D-Day.  The end of day three I stand back and say, “OMG, I friggin did it”.  Frantically text my supporters.  “It is done”.  Night falls and day comes.

"It is done", ish
“It is done”, ish

Wednesday 27th March.  Canvas D-Day.  Critical eye starts twitching.  Brown scalene corner triangle needs something?  Thank you Facebook followers and contributors to this new path in my journey.  Balance! Important errands provide the space for the relaxation of the critical eye while seeking balance.

Here begins the weird twist to my whole first painting experience.  (cue doo doo doo doo alfred hitchcock movie music)  Waiting at the bus stop I see a goregous stuffed blue elephant sitting on a pink and purple stand (like in a circus) being placed outside the kids school gates.  Internal voice, “Oh well, he’ll have a new home by the time I return”.

“Bluey” has a new home now!  Returning from errands, off the bus and into the school to purchase last minute easter raffle tickets.  Who’s waiting for me inside the school gate?  My cute little blue elephant friend.  Thinking I would leave him for the school, I take him with me to the canteen to buy my raffle tickets.  Canteen lady says, “Aren’t you taking your friend?”.  Hmmmm?? Yeah, I will actually.  Soooooo, Bluey came home and had his life lovingly squished out of him and dragged from here to there by the trunk.  My little two love feeding him cashews, cupcakes and whatever else Bluey wants to eat (apparently everything).

Why am I making a big deal or even importantising* by writing about a stuffed elephant?? (ah he’s really cute and I like adding mystery to my blots-blog plots)

My lucky blue friend
My cute and lucky blue friend. The raffle ticket on his foot will be revealed in Part Two of this BLOT (Blog Plot)

I am God.  In seven days I created a whole new world.  I’m not superstitious and favour science mostly.  However, there are series of events (as in my last 7 days) that has me create my own supernatural links.  Mostly out of observation and the pure joy of making correlations that may not actually be the truth.

I believe in creating my own world and causing the universe to align with what I create.  You know?  Like how I would pretend to hold my hand out to a cupcake and it moves towards me by itself.  That kind of power.  Mastercard got nothing on that.  Priceless.

My world of happiness and fulfillment causes more of what I want.  Flip side, is living in a world of despairing sadface catastrophes and inviting more of that in your life.  Well that’s just my experience in my life over the years.  What have you experienced, created and invited in your life?

TO BE CONTINUED….. (because I didn’t expect this deeply profound  LOL  post to be this long)

If you are still reading then you have just read 1357 words including captions.  Here’s a couple of ✶✶ for you.  🙂

*importantising: to make important

Are we really a superior species?

“How was your weekend?”
“Good. What church do you go to?”

CAUTIONARY WARNING

Weekend and church must obviously go together I suppose.  After all, I did ask, “How was your church?”.
Firstly, an assumption was made as a reply to my genuine interest in causing conversation.
Secondly, answering the question was of far less importance to what was really requiring an answer.
Thirdly, the assumption made with a closed question leaves no possibility for an open conversation.
Finally, What the hell does my religious beliefs have to do with the price of fish?

Will you now judge me and assess me based on my answer to your question?
I have plenty of opinions myself and only look to actions as an indicator of a persons character.  After having a hilarious laugh with the talented Lani Wendt Young and her devil worshipping, my own personal experiences had a temporary outlet.

This most recent experience about my religious affiliation is no different to many others (too many for my liking in this one life time) I have encountered.  My experience with the automatic assumption has not surprised me yet. I look forward to being surprised one day but then I would probably need to be the ethnicity of another assumption. Another judgement. More of a generalisation. Statistically proven maybe.

“I indulge in evil sins of the flesh seducing my husband revelling in our heated connectedness and his attention. Lazing around watching movies with our kids and having many disagreements about the ownership of chores. Constanstly discussing hopes and dreams and whether our current actions will fulfil them”.

These thoughts and more were being contemplated before I looked her straight in the face (evil I am but I love to see first reactions) and answered, “I do not go to church”.

“Heeeey??”, like the vowel ‘e’  being combined with a climbing hey? was just audible so obviously a replay was necessary.

“No, my family do not go to church”, I repeated just in case clarification was required.

Searching for some opening to elaborate further was sadly futile.  In those few hopefully-you-haven’t-just-judged-me seconds, her facials screamed disappointment at me.   Actions speak forensically clearer than any argument can ever convey.

Facial contortion pinching at the forehead in a disapproving disbelieving horrified expression indicated an open conversation was not available.

Physically turning away from the evidence, “oh”, was murmured lowly under the breathe with the hint of gossip tone disappointment.  Like OMG you are soooo not worthy kind of oh.  (serious self control was activated)

I may not honour the Almighty in all the conventional ways generated by society succeeded from a long history that created the canvas of beliefs.
I choose my way.  Holding firmly onto the hand that guides my mind and using my eyes seeing  what can be possible.  I listen to the voice of my soul and it speaks kindly and patiently to this physical being that walks the earth absorbing everything in and slowly expressing fully her inner passions.   Awakening an awareness to the pure and simple behaviour of nature and life itself.

When did the inquiring mind become suppressed or confused by the threat of blasphemy?
Why and who gave us the absolute authority in civilisation?
What is civilisation but a declaration made by one species?

Natures laws are simple and have been tampered with and twisted by a so-called civilised species.  Parameters generated under the radar dictating what is appropriate behaviour.   The law of the jungle is simply TO EAT and BE EATEN.  That is who we are for each other in the cycle of life or the circle of life (cue the Lion King song).  And we should rejoice in being of service.

Thankful that I’m not sharks dinner or lions breakfast but I guess that is our species unique advantage. Our survival technique as does every other animal.

We have the ability of cognitive reasoning and thinking.   Operating by a set of universally accepted guidelines of appropriate and doing good unto others.  Treating others they way you want to be treated…
and even, WE majorly suck collectively using our own guidelines.  We create wars from our awesome thinking and kill off even the other species in the process.  Like who do we think we are.

Years and years of intelligence and we still only use only a tenth of our brains and that is the smartest pants of the brains in the world.
So I assert that I am merely a dumb human being with the utmost freedom to think for myself and not be bound by the constraints of conformation.

So NO I do not actively participate with the Sunday morning practises.
YES, I do when I am with my parents or family because I respect their beliefs.
I acknowledge other peoples beliefs and have no opinions on anyones personal religious affiliations.
My children are not damned because of my irresponsible parenting of not having them attached to one set of beliefs.  My children know God, greatness and the amazing bounty of their environment that I unashamedly drill into them regularly.  Gratitude is breathing.

If I must express an opinion it will be whether what I can see works for all people.  What could occur inside a religious community (or any other) that could be of service to that community.

The community exists because of people so therefore it stands out in blaring neon lights for me that the people be served in some way shape or form that forwards their lives.  I believe a harmonious existence void of unnecessary suffering and sacrifice could work favourably.  It is sacrilegious to hold people to ransom with an unfounded truth of only through suffering and sacrifice can a person be free, successful or do good.

Racism, equality etcetera and yet we are all separated by beliefs and standards.  Oh thats right..Yes we all have the right to freedom of speech and defending our civil liberty.  How about we just be great people and encourage greatness without the templates handed down by appointed leaders and past wars.

Yes, leaders serve a purpose AND hopefully for the good of the people.

At the end of the day and the fore of your own life: BE YOUR OWN LEADER!

CULTURE | ART | LIFE